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Putie's Journey ‘I’m sorry for my late reply to your e-mail,’ Typed Evil Pancake whilst eating a handful of sugar, ‘I was busy looking for my darned computer! But it came home eventually so now I’m replying to your e-mail….’
Little did Evil Pancake know that late last night while she was sleeping, Oddly Shaped Balloons from outer space teleported down and stole her computer, believing it to be Osama Bin Laden. They transported the computer to their oddly shaped space ship… But on the way up, the tractor beam malfunctioned, and the computer plummeted to earth… It landed in a cow pat safely. But the cow did not like her cow pats being bothered so she kicked the computer down the hill…
It rolled past… Church steeples covered in whales, Corn on the cob being delicately eaten by zucchinis, Toes carefully counted by accountants in swim suits, Warthogs dancing in jumping castles (The computer briefly joined in this festivity, because he wanted to), A chorus of deodorants harmonizing together to create a beautiful song about school bags in spring, And a dog.
Finally the computer fell delicately into the ocean… Down and down it tumbled serenely into the dark depths of the ocean. Eventually it reached the ocean floor, squashing poor Giant Pink Squid wearing tight lycra green bike short’s third from the left tentacle. The poor Pink Squid was reduced to tears for it had only recently had a manicure. ‘Oh! You wretched thing you!’ It squealed, ‘You ruined my manicure! I shall have to have it done all over AGAIN!’ Out of frustration the Squid lashed out with a slithering tentacle, brushing the on button. The computer beeped. ‘Don’t swear at me!’ Shouted the Squid (Who is not gay, just likes to be hit on by other male squids). ‘Beep, Beep!’ The computer exclaimed as it’s hard drive started up. Terrified the Squid leapt away from the machine. ‘Back you foul beast!’ He took up a plank of wood from a near by shipwreck and gave the computer a sound beating. Suddenly the cover to the hard drive flew off spilling of Evil Pancakes personal thoughts into the sea. ‘Oh!’ Shrieked the Squid, ‘It’s…It’s…Scary!!!!!’ The Squid was horrified by all that he saw. ‘What kind of being could create such…such…scary things!’
‘Eh hem’ Evil Pancake buts in, ‘They are MY personal thoughts you are insulting’
Narrator leaps up and yells at Pancake ‘You’re not in this part of the story!’ ‘Oh.’ Evil pancake says and sits back down scowling.
Back to the story… The Giant Pink Squid wearing lycra green bike shorts runs to a near by telephone booth with a box of pizza shapes in hand. Traumatized, he rings his closest dudes, Oddly Shaped Balloons from outer space! ‘Hello?’ A muffled voice answered. ‘Come quick! There’s something…something…SCARY down here!’ So the Oddly shaped balloon’s threw their Oddly Shaped space ship into hyper drive and jumped across the multiple galaxies and dimensions to where the Giant Pink Squid was sitting huddled in the telephone both, clutching a bottle of nail polish and a nail file, about to re-do his nails. ‘I need my manicurist!’ He screamed. ‘I can’t do this BY MY SELF!’ He threw an angry look at the Oddly Shaped Balloons as they floated out of their space ship. ‘You called us all the way down here, across twenty five galaxies and over four dimensions to get you your manicurist??’ The blue balloon shaped as a deer demanded. The Squid brushed away his tears and pointed to the computer. ‘That! Those things that are spilling out of it!’ The Squid exclaimed. There were muffled gasps among the ranks of the balloons. ‘Sir what is that?’ A pink daisy-shaped balloon whispered. The blue balloon captain took a moment to compose himself. ‘Okay Latex Unit five, gather your men and round up those nasty thoughts and put them back into the computer!’ The captain ordered. Unit Five groaned before trudging off to get some rubber gloves from the ship. Very slowly all the thoughts from the computer’s hard drive were collected back up and put roughly where they belonged. The Squid gave a sigh of relief as the Balloon’s space ship flew off, taking the awful thing with them.
Somewhere out in space, on the third latitude of the fourth dimension, Balloon scientists (who were all in the shape of headphones) began to examine the computer…
Slowly a lilac balloon took a peak into the hard drive. ‘Ahh!’ Screamed the Scientist Balloons as they were overcome by those…those…SCARY things!!!!!
Meanwhile up on the main deck… ‘Captain!’ Said a white hat shaped balloon, ‘Why do you think the Scientists are taking so long?’ The captain gave a thoughtful scowl as he paced the deck. ‘Maybe we should go investigate.’ He exclaimed and strutted out, the white hat shaped balloon in tow.
The door slid open with a hydraulic hiss and the Captain and his second entered. The Captain’s curious face quickly became that of terror and he stumbled back in shock. Several popped balloons lay scattered across the floor, whilst the last of the Scary Thoughts flew out the window…
As fast as he could the Captain rushed back to the main deck and directed a crimson duck shaped balloon to set a course for the residence of…EVIL PANCAKE!!!!!
Meanwhile at Evil Pancake’s house…CRASH, went a pile of books as Evil Pancake bumped her head on the bookshelf. A muffled curse could be heard beneath the pile. Lying beneath the books Evil Pancake could hear voices in her room. ‘Where could she be?’ Came an enraged voice. ‘Just dump it there! I will come back later to deal with the Pancake myself!’ There was another crash followed by the sound of rocket boosters jetting off into the night sky. Evil Pancake dug her way up from under the books and squealed in delight. Her computer sat quietly on the floor. ‘Putie! You’re home.’ She cried hugging the machine…Only to find her computer was wet, slimy, covered in splotches of nail polish and bits of latex.
‘And so that’s why I couldn’t get back to you until now.’ Luv and Sour Cream, Evil Pancake By Ashta and Kat/Duck Ambidextrous Pineapple and Evil Pancake |